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I unzipped my dress; rather, I tried to unzip my dress. The zipper jammed right in the middle of my back. I couldn’t get it either up or down. I opened the door; she was still there, arranging things. She was a bit shorter than me and curvier; she looked to be about fifty years old. “Could you help me for a minute. My zipper is jammed.”She walked over and stepped into the changing room with me. It was larger than some I’ve used, but a bit crowded for two. I turned my back to her, and she started to work on the zipper.“Oh, I see. You’ve caught a bit of the edge. I think I can work it loose.” I could feel both of her hands on my back.After a few seconds, the zipper pull moved up, apparently coming loose from the jam. She said, “There. Got it. Do you want me to pull it down while I’m here?”“Oh, yes, please,” I said. “I always find back zippers hard to manage.”She zipped the zipper down all the way. I pulled the sleeves down my arms and turned. I was standing with my dress at my elbows,. Oh he knew what to do, as his mates had told him, “Stick it in, in and out, pull it out and wipe it.” This didn’t seem right, he wanted to satisfy his new bride on the wedding night, so he went to see the old man of the town for some advice.“Well,” said the old man, “I can give you the best advice that I was given as a young’un.”“Get a piece of string, a Hapenny and some sticky tape. Stick it to the left side of your body with the coin level with your hip bone. Then every night for half an hour stand and hit the coin with your hipbone flicking your hip sideways. Come back next week and I tell you what to do next.”So off the young lad went and every night he practiced,’Hapenny, Hapenny, Hapenny’ in his mind. The next week he went to the old man again, “This time stick a Penny down to your right hip, then it’s Hapenny, Penny, Hapenny, Penny. And see me again next week.”And again the young man practiced, ‘Hapenny, Penny, Hapenny, Penny.’A week went by and again he went to see the old.
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